Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
 A. Through his chest with a sharp knife
 
 Q. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
 A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones 
    left are disabled.
 
 Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
 A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk 
    all over them for life.
 
 Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
 A. Who cares?
 
 Q. When do you care for a man's company?
 A. When he owns it.
 
 Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
 A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.
 
 Q. Why do men get married?
 A. So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more
 
 Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
 A. His hand caught fire.
 
 Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
 A. Put the remote control between his toes
 
 Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
 A. So men can remember them.
 
 Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
 A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go 
    to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go 
    to the fridge.
 
 Q. What do men consider housecleaning?
 A. Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them
 
 Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
 A. Take your foot off his head
 
 Q. What do men consider a 7 course meal?
 A. A hotdog and a six pack of beer
 
 Q. How does a man change a roll of toilet paper?
 A. No one knows - we've never seen it done!
 
 Q. How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 a) 1 - men will screw just about anything
 b) 5 - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen 
    him brag about it
 
 Q. Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
 A. So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the 
    women will ask for directions
 
 Q. How can you tell if a man is excited?
 A. He's breathing
 
 Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
 A. By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by
 
 Q. What do men consider foreplay?
 A. Half an hour of begging
 
 Q. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own 
    business?
 A. 1. No mind.
    2. No business.
 
 Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are 
    sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
 A. Because they already have boyfriends.
 
 Q. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at 
    the Olympics?
 A. He had it bronzed.
 
 Q. How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
 A. Two ways to cross a river.
 
 Q. What is gross stupidity?
 A. 144 men in one room.
 
 Q. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
 A. Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off  
    and shake the stove.
 
 Q. What is a man's view of safe sex?
 A. A padded headboard.
 
 Q. How do men sort their laundry?
 A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
 
 Q. Why can't young women fart?
 A. Because they don't get arseholes until they're married.
 
 Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy 
 exlaimed, "How sad, a dead bird." Squiffy looked up and 
 said, "where?"
 
 If men got pregnant....
 Abortion would be available in convenience stores and 
 drive-through windows.