A guy goes to a party one night and after a couple of hours the most
     amazing piano music starts being played.  He thinks it is the most
     wonderful music he has ever heard and makes his way over to the 
     pianist.

     "I have to say that the music you are playing is simply 
     wonderful"

     "Thank you very much" says the pianist.

     "However, I've never heard this song before, what is it called?"

     "It's called: I shag my wife up the arse and cum all over here 
     tits".

     "Bloody hell, that's a bit harsh isn't it?  I must say though that I'm
     having a party in a couple of weeks and would love you to play at it, but
     perhaps you could tone down the names of the songs you will be playing.
     You see, my guests just would not approve."

     "No problem" says the pianist.

     Two weeks later the guy is having his party and the pianist is there
     playing the piano like a donkey.  All the wrong keys, it really is the
     worst music the guy has ever heard.

     "what do you think you are doing?"  asks the guy.

     "I'm so sorry, I know that I'm playing badly but I really need a 
     wank"

     "A wank? but you're meant to be playing piano.  All of the guests are
     already here.

     "I know, I know but I can't play well until I've had one" says the
     pianist.

     "OK, OK, go into the toilet, there are some girlie mags in the cupboard.
     Just promise to get back as soon as you can.

     Ten minutes later the pianist comes back from a wank, sits down at the
     piano and starts playing beautifully, just the way he's meant to.  After a
     little while, a lady walks up to him and says: "Excuse me but do you know
     you're cock's hanging out and you've got spunk all over your 
     trousers?"

     "Know it?"  says the pianist "I wrote it!"